- Stephen House
1. anything
nobody told me
wilting flowers in a grubby vase
makes me sigh and wonder why i am alive
(and sometimes get distressed depending on the flowers)
an old man scratching an old dog’s back
reminds me of walking along a cold empty road
(especially if the dog whines while the man whistles)
dead fish floating in a remote country creek
is enough of a reason to howl to the sky
(and go back to the creek again to see if the fish are gone)
the neighbour’s threadbare mauve dressing gown
sends me inside my house with tears in my eyes
(and throw away two t shirts and a pair of maroon socks)
the laughing couple next to me on the crowded bus
results in me becoming nauseous and sad at the same time
(because the laughs are not real and i know that)
a table of women talking over each other
brings on suicidal thoughts i haven’t had in ages
(but encourages me to escape the babble by leaving the café)
not looking at my phone for three days
means the same as climbing a cold silent mountain
(realizing determination offers a blend of reward and anxiety)
the crying man reading text messages
forces me to try to catch his eye to offer a smile
(for i know exactly how he is feeling and it may help him)
swimming in the ocean alone in winter heals my mind
as it brings me closer to the source of everything
(and gives me a pathway to a hidden strength within)
nobody told me anything i should know
2. frantic
slam smash crush awareness now dangerous cycle
earth fall by stark hot beating slide obliteration time
steaming new realisation recurrence over increasing
grip on twisting not knowing why results ignored
going on we never isolation expected but now beginning
natural world destruction quantity torrent here exposed
disappearance wilderness gapes in cry if listening
collective creepers for money gain refuse cease finality
breathing smoke distressing us ongoing choke in plea
asking multiple help see here without reply to calling
wonder naught hopeful conclusion gift would respond
we knew life of joining cohesive before deepened chasm
realized it but end riddle expanded greying of once pristine
confronted remembering laugh gentle in wilderness arms
choice dream whatever bled shocking toll delivered extreme
praying pull motion steady aid stopping but impossible known
leap mixed colours not previous seen frantic upon desperate
coughing planet struggles smile spontaneous was past normal
wish change but continual barrage rockets diving necessary
empty eventually sinks all crawling beseech no notice
enquiry and again helping bring back stop for only it assists
confronts reality inaudible torture motion blinding all truth
asking question repeat silence twice bang to conclusion
to conclusion bang twice silence repeat asking question
3. paper dreams
most mornings in my local café
i scratch away into one of my notebooks
first drafts of poems and short stories
details of publishers and competitions
across the café a woman older than me
scribbles into her notebook
drinking coffee in full concentration
her creative dedication apparent
one morning i find i don’t have any money
as i go to pay for my coffee
siting near the counter the woman hears
and insists on paying for me
she asks me to join her for another coffee
and i take her up on the offer
we talk about our café working time
share publication and poetry stories
we also talk about our daily routine
and our noticing each other writing
laugh at how we scribble with our coffee each day
involved in our own work and way
my paper dreams she says
as she fans her book out many pages thick
and i notice her beautiful hand writing
comment on it and then fan my notebook too
we still sit separately but smile across the café now
sometimes a quick nod or wave
but only ever say two words if we pass
paper dreams is all we utter
yesterday at the counter
as we both ordered our coffee
she whispered quietly happy paper dreams to you
and i felt her joy and purpose merge with mine
i quietly said the same line back
flicking though the pages of my notebook
and then she flicked her words too
and we smiled as real friends do
4. where
Om Namah Shivaya
ring brass bell on entry to Shiva temple
bow to each deity beginning with Ganesh
pray to Ganesh
Om Shri Ganeshaya Namah
pray to Shiva
Om Namah Shivaya
fill brass cup with water from running tap
pour water on Shiva Lingam
touch Lingam and touch my face
sit in lotus with beads in right hand
chant Om Namah Shivaya one hundred and eight times
sit in silence with silence with Shiva
with myself
open eyes and stand
stretch
exit to outside temple
talk to priest i have known for many years
buy two chai from chai wallah outside temple
drink chai with priest
accept priest’s invitation to smoke chillum
smoke hashish tobacco chillum inside small room with priest
say goodbye to priest friend
pat Cow in temple yard
allow Cow to lick my arm
say goodbye to Cow friend
leave temple
decide to leave city next day
make mental note to visit temple before i leave city
pray to Ganesh and Shiva
smoke with priest
pat Cow
realize i have no idea where i will go when i leave city
decide to seek out somewhere that makes espresso coffee
to drink coffee
work out where i’m going
Om Namah Shivaya
Stephen House is an award winning Australian playwright, poet and actor. He’s won two Awgie Awards (Australian Writer’s Guild) , Adelaide Fringe Award, Rhonda Jancovich Poetry Award for Social Justice, Goolwa Poetry Cup, Feast Short Story Prize and more. He’s been shortlisted for Lane Cove Literary Award, Overland’s Fair Australia Fiction Prize, Patrick White Playwright and Queensland Premier Drama Awards, Greenroom best actor Award and more. He’s received Australia Council literature residencies to Ireland and Canada, and an India Asialink. His chapbook “real and unreal” was published by ICOE Press Australia. He is published often and performs his work widely.
nobody told me
wilting flowers in a grubby vase
makes me sigh and wonder why i am alive
(and sometimes get distressed depending on the flowers)
an old man scratching an old dog’s back
reminds me of walking along a cold empty road
(especially if the dog whines while the man whistles)
dead fish floating in a remote country creek
is enough of a reason to howl to the sky
(and go back to the creek again to see if the fish are gone)
the neighbour’s threadbare mauve dressing gown
sends me inside my house with tears in my eyes
(and throw away two t shirts and a pair of maroon socks)
the laughing couple next to me on the crowded bus
results in me becoming nauseous and sad at the same time
(because the laughs are not real and i know that)
a table of women talking over each other
brings on suicidal thoughts i haven’t had in ages
(but encourages me to escape the babble by leaving the café)
not looking at my phone for three days
means the same as climbing a cold silent mountain
(realizing determination offers a blend of reward and anxiety)
the crying man reading text messages
forces me to try to catch his eye to offer a smile
(for i know exactly how he is feeling and it may help him)
swimming in the ocean alone in winter heals my mind
as it brings me closer to the source of everything
(and gives me a pathway to a hidden strength within)
nobody told me anything i should know
2. frantic
slam smash crush awareness now dangerous cycle
earth fall by stark hot beating slide obliteration time
steaming new realisation recurrence over increasing
grip on twisting not knowing why results ignored
going on we never isolation expected but now beginning
natural world destruction quantity torrent here exposed
disappearance wilderness gapes in cry if listening
collective creepers for money gain refuse cease finality
breathing smoke distressing us ongoing choke in plea
asking multiple help see here without reply to calling
wonder naught hopeful conclusion gift would respond
we knew life of joining cohesive before deepened chasm
realized it but end riddle expanded greying of once pristine
confronted remembering laugh gentle in wilderness arms
choice dream whatever bled shocking toll delivered extreme
praying pull motion steady aid stopping but impossible known
leap mixed colours not previous seen frantic upon desperate
coughing planet struggles smile spontaneous was past normal
wish change but continual barrage rockets diving necessary
empty eventually sinks all crawling beseech no notice
enquiry and again helping bring back stop for only it assists
confronts reality inaudible torture motion blinding all truth
asking question repeat silence twice bang to conclusion
to conclusion bang twice silence repeat asking question
3. paper dreams
most mornings in my local café
i scratch away into one of my notebooks
first drafts of poems and short stories
details of publishers and competitions
across the café a woman older than me
scribbles into her notebook
drinking coffee in full concentration
her creative dedication apparent
one morning i find i don’t have any money
as i go to pay for my coffee
siting near the counter the woman hears
and insists on paying for me
she asks me to join her for another coffee
and i take her up on the offer
we talk about our café working time
share publication and poetry stories
we also talk about our daily routine
and our noticing each other writing
laugh at how we scribble with our coffee each day
involved in our own work and way
my paper dreams she says
as she fans her book out many pages thick
and i notice her beautiful hand writing
comment on it and then fan my notebook too
we still sit separately but smile across the café now
sometimes a quick nod or wave
but only ever say two words if we pass
paper dreams is all we utter
yesterday at the counter
as we both ordered our coffee
she whispered quietly happy paper dreams to you
and i felt her joy and purpose merge with mine
i quietly said the same line back
flicking though the pages of my notebook
and then she flicked her words too
and we smiled as real friends do
4. where
Om Namah Shivaya
ring brass bell on entry to Shiva temple
bow to each deity beginning with Ganesh
pray to Ganesh
Om Shri Ganeshaya Namah
pray to Shiva
Om Namah Shivaya
fill brass cup with water from running tap
pour water on Shiva Lingam
touch Lingam and touch my face
sit in lotus with beads in right hand
chant Om Namah Shivaya one hundred and eight times
sit in silence with silence with Shiva
with myself
open eyes and stand
stretch
exit to outside temple
talk to priest i have known for many years
buy two chai from chai wallah outside temple
drink chai with priest
accept priest’s invitation to smoke chillum
smoke hashish tobacco chillum inside small room with priest
say goodbye to priest friend
pat Cow in temple yard
allow Cow to lick my arm
say goodbye to Cow friend
leave temple
decide to leave city next day
make mental note to visit temple before i leave city
pray to Ganesh and Shiva
smoke with priest
pat Cow
realize i have no idea where i will go when i leave city
decide to seek out somewhere that makes espresso coffee
to drink coffee
work out where i’m going
Om Namah Shivaya
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